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How
do I deal with angry customers?
Verbal Self Defense
In my Beyond WOW Complaint Resolution
seminar, I demonstrate the martial art Aikido and offer
it as a strategy for diffusing anger. I began teaching
this unconventional approach to managing conflict after
having my breath taken away as I watched Steven Segal
effortlessly defeat his opponents without violence or
aggression in half a dozen of his movies. Aikido is a
nonviolent martial art that never meets force with force
and can be applied to conflict situations with
demanding, irate or unreasonable customers. (I’ve
personally applied Aikido to situations with customers,
employees and co-workers.) Using the principles of
Aikido, you too can diffuse anger and demonstrate
amazing control over all aspects of verbal attacks.
People using “verbal aikido” can respond to heated
situations directly and assertively without being pulled
into the drama of the battle and they can lay the
foundation for win-win resolutions that maintain the
customer’s loyalty – even with angry customers. Here
are 6 Aikido principles that will help you more
effectively respond to anger.
1. An Aikidoist strategically calms down the attack.
This is done by both the use of relaxed body posture and
open hands. Verbal attacks from irate customers also
need the same calming strategy. In Aikido, the master
will step aside rather than confront the attack. This
takes the power and speed out of the attack and allows
the master to stay centered and calm. When you respond
to your customer with “Clearly, we’ve upset you and
getting to the bottom of this is just as important to me
as it is to you.” anger begins to dissipate. You’ve
addressed the anger directly and non defensively and you
haven’t been pulled into the drama of the attack.
2. Aikido never meets force with force. In fact,
there are no direct attacks and very little striking or
kicking. When dealing with angry customers it is natural
to respond to an attack with an attack. If the customer
yells, we escalate our voice. When the attack gets
personal, we become defensive and less willing to work
with the customer. While we may feel justified in
launching our attack because we’ve been attacked, we
must realize that a defensive (forceful) response only
escalates the original problem. Let’s learn from the
Aikido masters and not attack back defensively. Instead,
we will respond carefully and strategically.
3. Aikido emphasizes quick, decisive movements that
are designed to use the attacker's force against him.
This is done through evasive movements, body shifting,
and leverage. Taking this to a verbal level, you’d
take a customer’s intensity and sense of urgency and
use that to your advantage with a reply like: “No
question, we’ve messed up. Getting to the bottom of
this is just as important to me as it is to you.”
Instead of letting the customer’s intimidation tactics
negatively impact you, you turn that energy back at the
customer by pacing his actions.
4. Aikidoists blend with their opponent’s energy.
In Aikido, this looks as if you move toward your
opponent and then change places with them. In a verbal
attack, blending with your customer is finding common
ground with the customer. You can blend with your angry
customer by listening with a sincere intent to
understand their pain, frustration and needs and then
responding with empathy. The knowledge you gain from
listening to your customer becomes your force and
positions you to redirect the energy in a productive
direction. Once you’ve blended with the customer, that
is, once you truly understand the customer’s
situation, the attack can be neutralized and redirected.
5. Aikido students learn to turn with their
opponent’s force and let that force go past them.
When we respond to angry customers in this way, we’re
able to keep our cool when customers get hot. We don’t
get caught up in the emotion of anger. Instead, we allow
the customer to express his feelings and we don’t take
comments personally and we don’t allow our feelings
(anger, rejection, offense) to control our responses.
6. In Aikido, all opponents are considered partners.
Think of your angry customer as your partner and let
this mindset direct you to use interactive dialogue to
work with your customer to solve the problem. Try to not
resist or coerce your “partner.” Work with your
partner, talk with your partner, and seek solutions that
benefit the customer and the company.
Applying the principles of Aikido to difficult
situations with unhappy customers allows you to maintain
composure and control, and effectively diffuse anger.
This article is an excerpt from Beyond WOW, ISBN #
0-9718010-3-7 by Myra Golden and Dr. Jeffrey Magee. For
more strategies for dealing with difficult customers and
for regaining
customer confidence after service mishaps,
pick up your copy of Beyond Wow right
here.
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